Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Those "Other" People

In the last 24 hours there has been a lot of talk about Kanye West, his behavior at the VMA awards and his behavior "in general".  I had an opportunity to see a part of his interview last nite with Jay Leno.  I'm not going to pass judgement regarding the "incident" in question or on Kanye, mainly because I do not know him and nor do I know what life is like for him.  However, something during the interview caught my attention.  When asked what he thought his mother would say to him regarding his behavior, Kanye became noticeably silent, almost melancholy.  His posture and demeanor changed in front of the audience.  To me, he seemed to "have checked out" of reality for a few brief moments.  I immediately wondered if he was having flashbacks to times spent with his mother and things he wished he could have done with her and said to her.  To me, that was extremely telling and I began to wonder how life has been for him since the passing of his mother, an individual who by all accounts was a significant, influential figure in his child and adult life as well as his professional life. 

The lesson, not media speculation, for young people, especially adolescents, is this:  Your parents, although they may annoy you in some way EVERYDAY and don't seem to live in your "reality", actually DO have your best interests at heart.  My experiences have taught me that deep down most adolescents believe this about their parents.  Your parents, mother and father, are here to guide and support you, not let you get away with whatever you want and teach you the boundaries, rules and norms that will prepare you to navigate the big world that awaits you.  Your relationship with your mother or father may "look" different than your relationship with your other parent, but both are EQUALLY important.  Try to remember that your parents are not going to be with you forever.  Unfortunately, sometimes tragic things happen and you don't want to have to figure out how to live with a bunch of regrets about things you wish you had done differently. 

Love, appreciate and respect them now when you have the opportunity.  Try to spend as much time with them as possible and invite them, from time-to-time into your world.  Your world of friends, your world of music, your world of sports, your world of fun.  Believe me when I tell you that they will appreciate it.  Instead of sending that extra text, phone message or email to your friends, send a note of thanks and love to your parents, not just on birthdays or major holidays.  Parents need to hear expressions of love from you as much as you need to hear it from them.  Those signs or affirmations that they are doing a good job will be well received.  Let them see what makes you happy and let them see that all the things they have been teaching you really hasn't fallen on deaf ears. 

Hard as it may be, try to remember that parenting is an IMPERFECT and LEARNED process, usually as you go along.  If you do all of this and are fortunate enough to be able to experience your parent in a different way when you are older, you will find that you have become a better individual, one grateful for the sacrifice, love and guidance of your parents.  Again, I don't know Kanye West, but judging by his response to Jay's question, he would probably give up everything for an opportunity to spend more time with his parent.

Good luck and don't forget to hug your parent or parents today. 

3 comments:

  1. I can definitely relate to this posting. Having lost my mother to a premature death when I was eleven, I know the value of appreciating parents. Not taking anything away from my current mother, but not a day goes by where I don't think about her. I miss her terribly. Regarding my father, I always tell people, "The older I became, the smarter he became." Basically, everything my father told me about life was true. However, some things I wasn't smart enough to appreciate until I got older. I thank God for a father who raised me in a Christian home. Yes, hug your parents; you never know when you won't have the opportunity again.

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  2. This is a great article and drives home a point a lot of people miss, especially teens/tweens who feel they know it all.

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  3. Growing up my parents were my example and role models. I grew up and followed my father and also retired from the military. I can only pray that I become the type of man my father and mother raised me to be. Friends come and go but your parents are yous for ever. Treasure and value them. When the world leaves you with no where to turn, I will be willing to bet that your parents will be there. Dont forget, you are here because of them......"Nothing Less"

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