Why Fight?

Why fight?  With this question, I mean "physically" fight.  A question I and many adults have asked teens countless times, especially if one spends a good amount of time around young people and teens.  Why fight?  It seems like a simple question, yet it rarely yields a simple answer, usually when asked to a young person.  Why risk being injured, bruised, ridiculed by peers, suspended, arrested or even killed? (SEE GONE TOO SOON, PARTS I & II)  These are examples of serious consequences to fighting and yet teens don't seem to stop and think about the seriousness of their actions when they opt to fight.  What is the fighting about?  Is it for some sort of credibility or reputation, a way to get attention from peers, a sign of your toughness or because you see many adults engaging in fighting and without any significant consequences?

Yet again, I find another example of young people and teens receiving mixed messages from the adults around them.  In fairness, they see adults fighing at home, in their communities and on TV.  They see adults cheering when a fight occurs and sometimes cheer harder when someone is hurt.  What's the message they get?  That it's okay to solve your anger, frustrations, problems or any emotion or feeling that doesn't make you feel good with fighting?  That somehow the fighting will make everything better or more perfect?

I see young people and teens fighting at school, in malls, on the street, at athletic events, on the street, on public transportation.  I try to talk as much as possible to teens to share my experiences and give them a bit of insight about how important it is to make good choices and decisions and also to hear about their experiences and gain ALOT of knowledge and insight from them.  When it comes to the issue of fighting, I ask if they truly believe that fighting is worth the potential outcome?  Is it worth possbily altering the course of your life, either temporarily or permanently?  Is it worth risking losing your freedom because you have been incarcerated, college scholoarship, job or school placement.  Even more importantly, is it worth it to disappoint your parents or to cost them pain, anquish and finances if you happen to get arrested.  I also seize every opportunity to remind them that school and getting the best education possible is the most important responsibility and if you engage in fighting, you risk losing all of that, that which is so valuable that no price tag would be appropriate. 

I try to offer some possible alternatives that I will share here.  Some are receptive and want to hear them and some are not.  Some believe that fighting doesn't solve problems and some do not.  Some understand that fighting can lead to serious consequences and some do not.  Some understand that just because an adult is doing it (fighting) doesn't make it right and some do not.  I tell them this:  Before you start fighting, try to negotiate something different, something fair, something everyone can agree upon.  Offer some reasonable compromises, that benefit both persons.  Try to imagine several possible alternative solutions to fighting.  Think about the probable consequences, from suspension to serious bodily injury.  Try to understand why you are mad enough to want to fight and decide if its worth it.  Remember that it is okay to agree to disagree on an issue.  Try and get help from an adult who can help you to figure out a response other than fighting.  A few things that I share with young people and teens.  Some listen and some don't.