The Break-up

The break-up.  I believe it was a movie starring actors Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn and it's all about what they experience with each other as they end their relationship.  I found it to be an entertaining flick, but that movie is not what I am referring to in this piece.  The break-up here refers to when teens who were once "in love" decide that they are no longer "in love" and thus break-up or stop going out or stop hooking up.  For the female teen she wonders if she was pretty enough, if she was skinny enough, if she was popular enough, if her hair was long enough.  For the male teen he wonders if he was handsome enough, if he had the right muscles in the right places, if he had the right moves on the dance floor, if he had the right clothes or if he had enough money to "flash around". 

The break-up can be devastating for many teens and young people.  They feel as if the world, as they perceive it, is coming to an end.  Life, as they perceive it, will not get better.  What to do?  How to react?  What to say?  How to respond to that person that is no longer the boyfriend or girlfriend?  Do you speak when you see him or her in the hallway or at the party?  Will he or she tell some secret that you shared when you were "in love"?  That feeling that you will never meet someone else who you will like or love, that you don't want to talk to anyone else on the phone or that you don't want to hang out with friends, go to parties or even concentrate in school.  The first feeling of being in love, the first hug or the first kiss are all memorable moments for a teen, moments that will be recalled for years to come.  Falling in love as a teenager can bring overwhelming feelings that sometimes no one else matters, not family, not friends and at times, not even the individual.  You want to spend all your time talking to or being with that special person, that boyfriend or that girlfriend.  You are positive you will never feel this way about anyone again.

Part of being a teenager is learning to manage relationships and that includes boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.  Spending time with someone and getting to know them and sharing experiences are all part of growing up.  Teens like to spend time with others their age.  They like to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone they can talk about to friends, family and foes.  It's almost a rite of passage.  Many feel that without a girlfriend or boyfriend, something is missing in the teen experience.  When that part of the teen experience ends, for whatever reason, it tends to leave a void,  that feeling of "something missing".  Depending on how dependent the teen became on that particular relationship, usually determines the response to the break-up, which can be anger, sadness, depression or maybe mutual understanding and agreement.

Teens and young people need to understand several things.  We all endure break-ups, some good and some not-so-good.  Girlfriend and boyfriend relationships come and go.  Break-ups are part of the process of developing you, and there is no handbook to tell you what to do.  For most of you, you have to figure out what to do on your own.  Not even your parents have given any guidance on how to understand, accept and endure.  You will meet many people in life and some may become your boyfriend or girlfriend and the relationship will probably end, sometimes of your prompting and sometimes not.  Sometimes you may understand the break-up and sometimes you may not.  It's okay to feel sad and maybe even upset over the loss of a certain type of relationship.  Understand that the experience will help in your life development.  It will help you to realize the type of person you are, what you like and what you may not like.  It will help you to make decisions about what is important to you and what is important for your life.  Long-term boyfriend/girlfriend relationships during the teen years can bring unnecessary stress and anxiety.  Trying to live up to the "image" of what you think the relationship should be like, based upon what you hear and see about others sets a high standard, one that is almost impossible to reach.  Break-ups are not the end of the world, even if it feels as such.  If you find that you are having a really hard time adjusting to a break-up, talk to an adult, teacher or social worker.  Understand there will plenty of time in your life for relationships and break-ups.  Enjoy your teen years.  Get out of the house, hang with friends, spend time with family you may have neglected, investigate a new sport or hobby.  Most importantly, spend some time reflecting on what you liked about the relationship, what you didn't like about the relationship, make any adjustments necessary, learn from the experience and embrace the break-up as a part of the education called life.