What Is Domestic Violence?

Did you hear?  Today is the last day of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Do you know what it is?  National Domestic Violence Awareness Month is one month out of the year when the issue of violence, forced or threatened, among family members and teenagers is discussed, with extra attention being given to solutions and resources.  National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  What does this have to do with young people?  The answer is "lots".  Domestic violence has "lots" to do with young people. 

Check out a few stats.  According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in 10 teen girls and one in 11 teen boys admits to having experienced physical violence in a dating relationship in the past year.  One in three teens say they know someone who has been physically assaulted or hurt by a dating partner. One in five teens ages 13 and 14 who have been in a relationship say that they know someone who has been hit in anger by a boyfriend or girlfriend. One in five teens admits to being emotionally abused in the past year.  Among 11 to 14 year-olds who have been in relationships, 62% of them know friends who have been verbally abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend.  Approximately one in five teen girls have been physically or sexually abused by their partner.  70% of teen girls who have been sexually assaulted knew their attacker. The attacker was a friend, boyfriend or casual acquaintance. More than half of girls surveyed reported mutual aggression in their relationship – meaning that both she and her partner were physically aggressive toward each other.  A clear indicator that young people tend to think its okay to hit one another and that young people are enduring surprisingly high rates of abuse, physical, emotional and sexual, among one another.

Are you surprised, shocked?  Here's more information.  According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Research Center, studies show that children who witness violence at home experience behavioral problems and increased aggression, have less developed social and conflict resolution skills, and may suffer long-term developmental effects. These youth are also at risk of engaging in future violence and of being abused themselves. Researchers have found that people who batter their partners/mates are also more likely to abuse their children.  What does this indicate for young people?  Recent stories of teen-on-teen violence around the country indicates that young people are struggling with what to do with the "social stimuli" that perpetuates a culture of violence, particularly violence among females and that young people are unaware of how to adequately and appropriately address and express pain, anger and rage.
 
Teen domestic violence.  Another area of the adolescent experience in need of increased attention.  It's much more common than most teens, parents or others may think.  Many young people are subjected and impacted by this EVERYDAY.  Disagreements turn into arguments which turn into shouting matches which turn into shoving matches which turn into physcial fights, where someone almost always gets injured.  Teens know about it.  Some think its okay.  Some accept it because its been a way of life for them.  Some feel pressured to accept it from peers and adults.  They witness it among their friends and are likely to be victims themselves.  Teens are exposed to violence at home, at school and in their everyday life experiences.  Add to that, the violence viewed on TV, movies, videos, the internet and magazines.  It is overwhelming and the message sent to young people is mixed.  Adults TELL them that domestic violence is bad, but SHOW them that domestic violence is hip, cool, and in some way acceptable.  The internet, movies, TV, videos and magazines are very effective in communicating this messge, however unintentional it may be. 

What are young people to do?  A start is to understand the message.  Domestic violence, at home, school, with your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend is never right and never acceptable.  If your boyfriend or girlfriend calls you names, tells you what to wear, discourages you from friendships, criticizes you unfairly, blames you for their negative choices/decisions, or threatens you in any way, this is known as emotional abuse.  Your response to this is to go and speak with an adult for guidance and tell your parents.  If your boyfriend or girlfriend touches you forcefully, like pull your arm or hair, hit you or in any way inflict physical pain, this is known as physical abuse.  Your response to this is to seek guidance and advice from an adult and tell your parents.  Do not keep an abusive relationship to yourself.  Tell someone and seek help.  As a teen, you should never feel as if you deserve any mistreatment from a peer, boyfriend/girlfriend or family member.  No teen has the right to attempt to gain control over another by using any form of abuse.  If you have changed your attitude, style, hobby, social life and lifestyle to satisfy your boyfriend or girlfriend, you may be at-risk of an abusive relationship.  If you experience any of the above described abuses at home, either directly or witness against your mother or father, speak to the social worker, counselor or adminstrator at your school immediately.  If you believe you have been a victim of domestic violence in the past and need help, talk to your school counselors immediately.

National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  It's the last day of the month, but not the last day to speak out on this important issue among young people.  Adults need to model appropriate examples of expressions of anger and unhappiness and teach young people acceptable vs. unacceptable behaviors, particularly in relationships.  Teens need to increase their knowledge base regarding abusive behaviors to readily recognize and to display an intolerance to the abuse that threatens self esteem, self-worth, ambition, drives and possibly your life.