A Few Things To Know

Teenagers.  Most times when I use that word with someone, I almost immediately get some type of response, be it a snicker, a smile or a grimace.  Sometimes, I even get a good dose of "rolling of the eyes".  When I tell people that I work with teenagers in a school setting and community setting, I almost always get the "bless you" or "somebody's gotta help them and I hope you can" response.  It's funny to me because I believe teenagers are some of the most interesting, fun, challenging, fascinating, energetic, engaging and loyal group of individuals I have ever met.  I absolutely LOVE my profession of social work, career as a school clinician and program developer and population of teenagers with whom I have the most contact.

Truthfully, sometimes teenagers can be exhausting, but that's because they have usually challenged me in a way or ways that force me to look within and "check myself" to ensure that I am doing what I am doing for the right reasons and not for a convenient reason.  I think they teach me as much as I teach them.  Each day, I encounter something that makes me think about all that teenagers endure.  When I think back to my own teen years and I hope everyone does at some point, I remember times during high school feeling difficult and sometimes feeling alone and isolated, wishing for someone, nonjudmental and understanding, other than my parents, in which to share my inner thoughts.  As I remember back, there were some things I wish someone had shared with me at that time.  Following are a FEW THINGS TO KNOW as you live your life as a teenager.

School is the most important endeavor in your life at the moment.  Going to school, doing your best in the classroom and receiving an education sets the foundation for your future.  A future that is bright and full of endless possibilities.  I like to tell the teens I encounter that "if you can dream it, you can do it or be it".  Don't take school for granted and think that you have time to waste.  Every grade, from 9th to 12th matters.  Colleges review your entire high school career including your attendance.  If you are having a hard time in a particular class, don't give up.  Actually, NEVER give up.  Ask for help.  Ask a friend, peer, teacher or other school person to help you.  Ask a family member, church member or another person you know, like and respect for help.  Keep asking until you receive the help you need and pass that class.  Always be willing to work hard to achieve your goals.

College will be one of the best decisions and experiences of your life.  If possible, stay on campus in the dormitory.  If given the option, pick a roommate that you don't know.  I know you and your best friend may have planned for years how you would go to the same college and room together, etc, but be adventurous and expand your social network and circle.  That is the beginning of a lifetime of networking and learning to get along with others that are different from you.  Learn to manage your time, manage your money and manage your life.  Don't worry about money for college.  Talk to the guidance counselors at your school.  They are wealth of information for financial aid, grants and scholarships.  If you are the first in your family to attend college, congratulate yourself and vow not to be the last.

Feel good in your own skin.  The world is made up of different types of people, with no type better than another type.  I like to say that we all have one heart, one mind, one brain.  These are some of the important things in life and we all have them in common.  You are handsome and beautiful the way you are.  No need to stress about how you look, how your hair hangs or how long or short it is.  No need to stress about skin tone or color, that one or two extra pimples on your face or pounds on your body.   Consider reducing or maybe eliminating sodas, fried foods and candy/sweets from your diet.  No need to stress about your body make-up.  Your legs, arms, chest and bottom don't need enhancing.  Your body is still changing and developing.  Give yourself the time and space to evolve.

It's okay to go it alone.  Don't feel pressured to get a boyfriend or girlfriend.  There will be plenty of time in life for boyfriends and girlfriends and all the choices and decisions that come with having a boyfriend or girlfirend.  Sex and sexuality does not make you cool or mature, no matter what others "say" they are doing and no matter what the TV or magazines report.  Now is not the best time to be serious with any one person.  Now is the time to meet many new people, develop friendships, trade stories, create laughter and make memories.

Know that drugs and alcohol set the stage for self-destruction.  Nothing good comes from using drugs or alcohol.  If someone pressures you to use any drug or alcohol, understand that this person is NOT your friend.  Remove yourself from their presence, their environment, their influence.  Drugs and alcohol can lead to an addiction that can take a lifetime to overcome, creating havoc in your personal, family, school and ultimately, your professional life.  If you think using drugs or alcohol is cool, you are misguided in your thinking.  It is not cool.  It is dangerous, addictive, and destructive.   They will not make your life better, make you happier or take away any pain.  There are many stories of teens making poor choices while under the influence of a drug or alcohol.  Don't be one of them.

Be kind to your peers and friends.  Don't be a bully.  What you say or do to another person may affect them for the rest of their lives.  Remember that everyone's life situation is different.  You don't have the right to hurt others because you may be hurting.  Instead of teasing that quiet kid, talk to them and find out that your commonalities are more than your differences.  Recognize if a friend or peer is feeling sad and talking about hurting themselves or others.  Tell an adult immediately and encourage them to seek help.  There is no such thing as snitching if you are helping someone.

Be aware of your actions because someone is ALWAYS watching.  Be mindful of what you text on your phone, and load onto your MySpace, Facebook or other social sites.  You don't want a silly mistake you made in high school follow you into your adult life when you have taken on a more serious demeanor.  If you think your parents or other adult would not approve of what you write or load onto your site, then don't do it.  Teachers, colleges and potential employers will see what others say about you and all the pictures you put on your site and judge you by what is visible to them.  Don't embarass yourself, your parents, your family and all the people who support you.

Love and respect your parents and caregivers.  They have sacrificed a lot for your benefit and well-being.  Your parents and caregivers will be your biggest fans, cheering squad and supporters.  Your parents were teens themselves, once upon a time, even if they don't act as such.  They understand more than you may realize.  Your parents and caregivers work hard to ensure that you receive the best possible advantages and opportunites they can provide.  Your success is their pleasure, but your failure is their pain.  Remember that when you come home and the lights are on, the phone is working, the air is blowing, the heat is pumping and the food is cooking, many sacrifices, unknown to you, are being made on your behalf.  Always strive to do your best and make your parents proud.

A few things for teens to know.  A few things to help on the journey.  A few things to live by.  A few things to share with another.  There are many more things to know, but as with anything in life, there is a time and a place for everything.  So, whenever someone asks me how I could work with teenagers or comment that they admire my patience for teens, I simply reply that there are a few things to know.