A Longing for Approval?

Aren't you proud of me?  That's the question that was asked of me.  A question that a young person asked me, not his parent, but an adult in his life.  For a few seconds, I stared intently at him.  Intently because in those few instants many thoughts raced through my mind.  I wondered what he must think of himself, but more importantly, what he must think about what the adults in his life think of him.  I snapped myself out of my self-imposed daze and enthusiastically answered, "of course I am proud of you.  I'm very proud of you".  Aren't you proud of me?  What a question coming from an adolescent, a teenager, a young person.  For some of you, it may seem like a simple, basic question.  For others, it will probably elicit a reaction similar to mine.

That exchange stirrred up some questions in my mind.  Do teens get enough "good stuff" from the adults in their lives?  The good stuff of affirmation and confirmation that they are doing a good job in school and at home.  Do teens get enough positive approval from the adults in their lives?  Do they get enough recognization and acknowledgement?  Do they get enough feel goods from their teachers, counselors, pastors, coaches, and all the other folk who have little or lots of influence in their lives?  Being a teen is not always an easy job.  It can be confusing, stressful and full of unexpected twists and turns.  All teens need to feel appreciated and confident that their lives are of importance to the adults around them, mainly their parents.    

What is the message for youngsters?  I think it is this: You are valued.  Valued by your parents, teachers, and most of the adults in your life.  Many hours of sacrifice and preparation are spent to ensure that you have what you need to navigate your life experiences, be it at school, out with friends or in some other place of influence in your life.  Most of you are doing well in school, are able to engage in sports, social and vocational activities without any injury or harm.  Many of you follow the rules set by your parents or others who have a current say in what's going on in your life.  Sometimes adults get caught up in the stressors of everyday life:  work, finances, bills and concerns over whether the teens in their lives have every opportunity to succeed.  So, if you have ever wondered if someone is proud of you, think about your parents, extended family members, teachers, administrators, coaches and all the other people who work hard to ensure your well-being.  They are all very proud of you, satisfied that their labor and sacrifice has been worth it, happy that you are exceling in school, maintaining positive peer relationships, exhibiting responsible behavior and showing compassion and caring for others less fortunate.  Yes, we are all proud.