tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39829158059334087472024-03-08T01:59:12.930-05:00Diary of a Social WorkerMs. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-82900776299395088762015-07-30T23:14:00.000-04:002015-07-30T23:14:19.337-04:00National Friendship DayToday is National Friendship Day and although I am not fully clear on exactly what that means or how it came about, I certainly have some thoughts.<br />
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We all have people in our lives we consider to be our friends and relationships we consider to be our friendships. Some are life-long and some have been cultivated in less time. But what does it mean to consider someone a friend? I have been contemplating that question lately mainly because someone I thought was a friend of mine and with whom I thought I had cultivated a friendship saw it another way, thus raising the question: by what criteria do we categorize people as "friends"?<br />
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For me, people who are my friends are people I share some sort of commonality with, such as career, hobbies/interests, education, childhood, schools, mutual friends and family. They are people I have grown up with and met along the way of my life journey. What has always been striking to me is that I have always learned something from each of my friends, something that has helped me to make my life richer and fulfilling. My friends are dependable: I can call them when I want to share happy news and when I have to share sad news. They lift me up when I need them and they pull me back down when warranted. They motivate me to know more, learn more, do better and be better. They are non-judgmental and allow me the safe space to peel back my layers of personal insecurities. They know and keep my secrets. They are not afraid to talk with and to me. They are honest with me. They have helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life.<br />
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Sometimes friends and friendships don't last. Depending upon the situation, this can be hard to comprehend and accept. Sometimes it's not mutual and one person wants to maintain the friendship and the other doesn't. Sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it doesn't. Some friendships are easy to move on from and others just aren't. What do we do about that? The truth is that there isn't much that can be done except to recognize the lessons learned, cherish the good memories of the friendship, wish the former friend well in life and always maintain a positive attitude. <br />
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It's National Friendship Day, a time to honor those friends and friendships that you do have in your life. Today, especially, I honor my friends and those friendships that make me smile and know that in all the trials and tribulations of life, those friendships are the forces that help me to endure, sustain and always keep moving forward. Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-7137478106161563092012-12-04T02:16:00.000-05:002012-12-04T02:16:44.342-05:00The Camp Achieve Afterschool Program
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Recently, my organization, Achievement Services received the unexpected and untimely news that the funding of its Saturday afterschool program which serves at-risk children in Baltimore City schools was being eliminated. This news is shocking and upsetting to the children and families the organization serves. The Saturday afterschool program of Camp Achieve provides engaging, structured, quality academic and social enrichment activities for children who are most vulnerable to academic underachievement or failure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Achievement Services plans to continue the program, soliciting financial support from all who care about educating children and preparing them for the future.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What is Camp Achieve? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Camp Achieve,
a program of Achievement Services, Inc., is an afterschool, out-of-school-time
program which partners with Baltimore City Schools to design and implement academic
programs in reading and/or math for students who are underachieving or at-risk
of underachieving. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The program is
designed to assist students in improving state standardized assessment scores
and overall student achievement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
also designed to provide underprivileged students a quality, enriching
educational and social experience in preparation for college and/or career.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Camp Achieve incorporates its core values of
academic enrichment, parent engagement, character education, physical fitness
& nutrition, health awareness and service learning into its programs.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">How did Camp Achieve begin?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Camp Achieve began with a vision
from the founder of Achievement Services, Brenda Wade, who strongly believes
that all children, regardless of circumstance can achieve academic success if
provided the opportunity for growth, exploration, and development.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Camp Achieve was developed to provide
enriching, engaging opportunities to underprivileged children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What is the relationship between
Camp Achieve and the schools it serves? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Camp Achieve partners with identified
low-performing schools to assist with improving student achievement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Achievement Services conducts a needs
assessment consisting of data analysis, parent input, teacher input, student
input and administrator input to determine the feasibility of a program within
a school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Generally, the schools commit
to providing students, programmatic support, some in-kind support and very
limited financial support. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Specifically,
Camp Achieve has been a partner at Guilford for the past four years providing
academic enrichment in mathematics.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">How do schools initially partner
with Camp Achieve? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Generally,
the initial point of contact is the school principal or administrator who begins
the discussion on the possibility of a Camp Achieve program in the
building.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At that time, feasibility,
funding and other support availability is discussed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">How does Camp Achieve operate? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Camp Achieve
is an independent program with no affiliation to Baltimore City Schools and is
fully operational from funds received from schools, school government,
corporations and foundations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Camp
Achieve program operates in the partner school during times agreed upon by the
school and Camp Achieve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Staff members
are part-time employees of Achievement Services, Inc. and generally are
certified teachers.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">When does Camp Achieve operate? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Typically,
Camp Achieve operates when school is not in session, afterschool, Saturdays,
winter break, spring break during the school year and during the summer months.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What students will be invited to
participate in Camp Achieve? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Targeted students of the school will
be invited to participate.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What will students do during Camp
Achieve hours? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Students
will receive at least 90 minutes of academic instruction daily, art and/or
physical education, social enrichment and off-site enrichment/recreational
activities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Students will also
participate in service learning activities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Academic instruction is provided utilizing nationally recognized,
research-based curriculums.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What is the cost? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">There is no
cost to the participants of Camp Achieve. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All funds required to operate a Camp Achieve
program is provided from grant monies, fundraising revenues and corporate,
foundation and individual donations. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What is the vision of Camp Achieve? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The
implementation of a Camp Achieve program in each elementary and middle school
of the Baltimore City Public School district.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What are the principles of Camp
Achieve?</span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
Camp Achieve values student and parent input.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Camp Achieve model strongly emphasizes parent engagement to improve
student achievement consistently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At
Camp Achieve <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>parents are actively
involved in program operations, volunteering in classrooms, providing
supervision on off-site activities, organizing fundraising drives and
participating on staff hiring committees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The model incorporates ongoing parent meetings regarding the program and
education-related seminars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Students are
surveyed to determine their feelings regarding the program as it relates to
their growth and development, academically and socially.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What levels of success have Camp
Achieve programs achieved? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Camp Achieve participants have demonstrated
improved attendance, improved school behavior, improved homework completion,
improved parental involvement, and improved attitude toward education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pre & post test data have revealed
improvements in reading and math performance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Specifically, at Guilford, the school has achieved Annual Yearly
Progress in mathematics.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">How is the program evaluated? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The Camp
Achieve program in each school/site is evaluated by an independent program
evaluator retained to assess program quality, implementation and
sustainability.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">How does Camp Achieve differentiate
itself from other afterschool programs? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Camp Achieve addresses the needs of
the “whole” child by providing academic instruction, parent engagement,
character, service, fitness, health and nutrition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are small class sizes and generally two
educators in each classroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Students
are exposed to enrichment in and out of their known community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition, Camp Achieve requires ongoing
professional development of its instructors and provides professional
development for school-day instructors, linking the afterschool learning with
school-day learning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lastly, the Camp
Achieve model operates on Saturdays during the school year and for 6-7 weeks
during the summer months.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you would like to make a gift to the Camp Achieve program, you may do so at the organization website:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.achievementservices.org/"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">www.achievementservices.org</span></a></span></div>
Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-10452523122472172922012-11-06T06:07:00.000-05:002012-11-06T06:07:01.163-05:00Election DayToday is election day. The day that America finally decides who will lead this country for the next four years. America will decide who will represent this great nation on the world stage, during times of American tragedy, and throughout national disasters that effect Americans on American soil. America will decide who they believe will best put the interests of all Americans at the forefront of democracy and fight for equal opportunity and access for all.<br />
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For these and so many other reasons, we all must exercise our American right to vote. We must exercise our right to have our voices heard, and to make choices about government. As a social worker, I believe in self determination, building upon the strengths of individuals and meeting individuals where they are in the life/developmental cycle. Exercising your right to vote speaks to one's self determination, displays personal strength and commitment and says something about where we are in our developmental cycle.<br />
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So voting today is crucial at the national, state and local levels. The way we live our lives and how we will live our lives will be partly determined by this election. How much money we earn to support our families will be partly determined by this election. How the infrastructures in your communities operate will be partly determined by this election. How the elderly are treated and provided for will be partly determined by this election. How veterans are treated upon their return home from the freedom fight will be partly determined by this election. How we educate our children and send our children to college will be partly determined by this election. Access to quality medical care at an affordable, fair price will be partly determined by this election. Fairness in the criminal justice system will be partly determined by this election.<br />
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There are so many additional reasons this election is crucial and important. You should care about who will be making these and other decisions that will undoubtedly impact some aspect of your life either now or in the future. You should care about what's happening in your state and in your local community. You should care about who is asking to be elected to your child's school board. Whether male or female, you should pay attention to what candidates are saying with respect to women's rights including income determinations and health care options. You should care about the facts of a candidate's record. Not what the media portrays or reports. You should want a better America for all. You should vote.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-39589197013627728902012-02-18T11:06:00.000-05:002012-02-18T11:06:08.323-05:00Whitney HoustonThat Voice! It is undeniable and instantly recognizable. What an amazing voice and an amazing talent. I can recall when she first burst onto the music scene. I was a teenager attending Thomas Stone High School in Waldorf, Maryland. She was a glamorous teenager who had grown up in East Orange, New Jersey. She had the good fortune of someone hearing that voice and telling someone, who told someone, who told someone, who told a music man named Clive Davis. The rest is history. She became what is termed a phenomenal music sensation. Her records sold millions worldwide. Everyone wanted to hear that voice sing. She could sing anything because we all just simply wanted her to sing. It seemed as if no one could get enough of her singing. I recall her music being played on the radio constantly. Then came THE BODYGUARD. That movie and soundtrack propelled her to international stardom. On TV she seemed beautiful, sweet, wonderful to watch and someone you just wanted to befriend.<br />
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Then came public reports of "cracks" in her image. The public saw her socializing with people the public didn't think she should socialize. The public began to hear stories about her behavior being erratic, unprofessional and unpredictable. Then came the stories of drug use, missed commitments and that reality show. For years, the public watched as Whitney Houston appeared to self-destruct and wondered how such an amazing talent could fall astray. <br />
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I didn't have the pleasure of personally meeting Whitney Houston. All I know about her is what I have gained from television interviews with her and others, footage of performances, magazine articles and gossip. I'm not here to judge, but use her story as an inspiration and lesson for young people.<br />
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This was a woman who dared to dream. She dared to follow her dreams. She dared to take her talents from a city in New Jersey to the world stage. She was a black woman who graciously navigated a nonblack world. She took her studies seriously, believed in education and had her childhood school renamed in her honor. She was a woman who didn't come from a famous or wealthy family, yet she achieved. She gave back to her community and often spoke of the lessons taught to her by her parents. That is the lesson or takeaway of her life story. She was a dreamer and an achiever. She didn't let obstacles hinder her and she believed in her abilities. <br />
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All young people have ability and talent. They just need to believe in themselves and dream that anything is possible if you are willing to put in the work. Negative stuff aside, Whitney Houston clearly put in the work and she clearly achieved. Let that be a lesson for all.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-64968797688795714752012-02-09T00:59:00.000-05:002012-02-09T00:59:11.403-05:00Camp AchieveI believe we all have a project of which we are proud. That project for me is Camp Achieve.<br />
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Camp Achieve is a program of Achievement Services, Inc. Achievement Services (AS) partners with schools to design and implement out-of-school-time learning for children who are underachieving in reading and math. AS is a nonprofit organization and receives all of its funding via contributions, grants and contracts. Funding is a constant need to do the work we do and to serve the deserving children we serve.<br />
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Camp Achieve provides kids in Baltimore City an opportunity to view education as fun and school as a great place to learn. It provides kids an opportunity to experience places outside of their communities that show them that education is crucial to life success. It provides kids a safe place to exercise their imaginations and interact with teachers who want to help them learn. It provides parents a place where they can feel comfortable engaging in their child's learning. Camp Achieve is all of this and more to the children we serve. It's a life-changing phenomena.<br />
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Camp Achieve is doing great work with some great kids. The program needs more supporters, more funding to continue its work. Please check out <a href="http://www.achievementservices.org/">http://www.achievementservices.org/</a> and consider supporting our programs.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-75104742212244524162012-02-03T01:27:00.000-05:002012-02-03T01:27:38.827-05:00The Education DebateCurrently, there is much debate regarding the condition of the public education school system in the United States. The current administration in Washington is engaged in ongoing discussion, debate, argument etc. with Congress, education policymakers, teachers unions and teachers regarding the best approach to improve the educational achievement of children and improve their ability to compete on the global stage. Plenty of people, educators and non educators, have strong opinions on the best way to educate children in this country.<br />
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As a school social worker for the past 13 years, I have an opinion as well. It's true that the public education system in this country is broken, particularly in urban areas, where my experiences lie. It's true that the public education system in this country is grossly underfunded, as compared to school systems in other countries. It's true that education decisions by school boards that directly impact children are oftentimes made by individuals who RARELY enter a school to observe and talk to those who do the work everyday. It's true that too many children, particularly minority children, are "passed along" or "socially promoted" and not given the tools necessary to succeed in the classroom. It's true that most goals set forth in the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND Act will not be met.<br />
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Now comes the good part. It's true that all kids WANT to learn. It's true that kids can learn. It's true that the majority of kids come to school everyday because they value the learning process. It's true that students in urban school districts are achieving great strides in the classroom, surpassing expectations on state assessments. It's true that students respond positively to teachers and instruction if given the respect and dedication of the teacher. It's true that kids have high expectations of teachers, just as teachers have high expectations of kids. It's true that the American public educational system can be fair for all students, IF politics are set aside, school boards are elected and not appointed and make decisions that are truly based on the best educational interests of the child, appropriate funding is allocated toward school improvements from facilities to staffing and all parents are engaged in the learning process of their children.<br />
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There is much to be said regarding this sometimes heated debate. It sometimes seems never ending. I welcome dialogue on this extremely important subject matter. However, no matter the ultimate outcome, kids will still show up to school, wanting to learn and adults will still show up to school, wanting to educate. That is always good news.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-19644114088571692892012-01-24T00:44:00.000-05:002012-01-24T00:44:51.717-05:00A Special Group of TeensThe other day I had the opportunity and privilege to work with an amazing group of teenagers. Teenagers from varying backgrounds, experiences, genders, desires, beliefs and life goals. When I met them, they had no idea who I was, what I was doing in "their space" and what I would say or require of them. They were not only polite and welcoming, but they were ENGAGING, asking questions and sharing what I consider to be fairly personal and private information.<br />
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I went to the Center to teach them, but instead I received an education. That is one of the many reasons I enjoy my work with teenagers and adolescents. I ALWAYS learn from them. I learn something about their resiliency, I learn something about their "realness" and willingness to be brutally honest. I learn something about how the future of our society thinks about the world around them. I learn something about the determination and perseverence of a group of young people who haven't had all of "life's advantages". I learn something about myself.<br />
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What is the lesson here? The lesson is not to judge a person, group of people, place or situation until you have had the opportunity for personal experience. It was not a dull time at the Center. Contrary to what many uninformed people think of teenagers, they were not rude, arrogant, inattentive, reckless or unapologetic. I very much look forward to my time with this group of teens again. Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-27073536660322954352010-12-15T14:02:00.000-05:002010-12-15T14:02:52.304-05:00Before It's Too LateThe year is almost over. It has been a year full of opportunity and challenges. A year full of laughs and sadness. A year full of unpredictables and many predictables. This is what the year has been like for most of the teens I encounter. <br />
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People often marvel at my passion at working with the adolescent population. I'm quick to acknowledge them as being one of my favorite people. Always thirsty to explore, thirsty for knowledge, thirsty to establish an identity and thirsty for guidance and structure. Unfortunately, the guidance and structure doesn't always come from the appropriate people, like parents, relatives, teachers or ministers. As a result, some have been forced to make some inappropriate, negative choices. Why they make these choices leads to a host of reasons, generally starting with something an adult in their life did or did not do.<br />
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I tell the teens I know this: Exercise your right to make good choices before its too late. You know right from wrong. Make the right choice. Stop waiting for someone or something else to give you personal meaning. Your value MUST come from within. You must understand that there is nothing more important than obtaining an education, starting with a high school diploma. Don't get caught up in the wrong things like skipping school, the street life, crime, violence. Life is not going to owe anything to you. You must stand on your own and make a way for yourself. I tell them that this is not only possible, but MUST happen. <br />
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It's hard being a teen and I recognize that, especially if life has taught you that what you think and feel doesn't matter. I'm here to say that it does matter and it starts with you. Make a decision today, a decision to dream big and achieve great, before its too late. You will meet people along the way who will help you to accomplish your goals. Its as simple as that.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-1203496283531419442010-11-29T07:07:00.000-05:002010-11-29T07:07:39.016-05:00Teen or Adult?Hello All!! It's been a very busy few weeks. Everyday is a different day and everyday I seem to learn more from the young people with whom I have fairly regular contact. I say it often and I will say it once more: It's hard work being a teenager in these times. The world is very busy. The country is very busy. Schools are very busy. Parents are very busy. With everyone being so busy, who is watching over and guiding our teenagers? Are we, the adults, doing a "good enough" job of helping them become good decision-makers, good scholars, good, productive, healthy individuals, and good stewards of service to others? What messages are we sending to our teens about what's really important in life? Are we allowing them to be teenagers, those people in constant need of structure and guidance or are we pushing them too quickly, emotionally unprepared into the adult world?<br />
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That is a question I ask myself more than I feel I should. However, I speak with many teens who are left to make adult choices and decisions, sometimes leading to unwanted or predictable consequences. Consequences which too often are not positive for them. Why do some parents leave their teenage children alone with unrelated adults for long periods of time? Why do some parents leave their teenage children home alone for days at a time? Why do some parents leave their teenage children, particularly females, in malls, street corners etc. with the "expectation" that their teen WOULD NEVER do something inappropriate or dangerous? Why do some parents allow their teenage children to have their own computer in their room (password protected) with the door constantly closed, even when they are present in the room? Why do some parents involve their teenage children in adult discussions with their friends? Why do some parents involve their teenage children in the intricacies of their personal lives, particularly their romantic relationships? Why do some parents share inappropriate information with their teenage children about the other parent, particularly in divorce or contentious situations? <br />
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I ask these questions because I hear from teens often how they are put in adult situations, most often by their parents, when it is convenient for the parent. However, these same parents become agitated and angry when these same teens project adult-like behavior when it is inconvenient or embarrassing for the parent. This leads to what is referred to as "mixed messaging". Parents, in particular, are guilty of this and their teens are left confused and unsure of their themselves and their decision-making. In short, parents cannot give their children adult responsibilities when it is convenient for them and then become upset and punitive when that same child independently exhibits adult behavior at a time that is clearly inappropriate. Teens have to remain teens at all times. It's a stage in life. A stage with its own set of learning curves. Let's not take that away from our precious young people. Too much responsibility too soon can be detrimental. It takes away from what should be central in their lives: school, education, their friends, and their interests.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-19425219590942668652010-11-03T22:57:00.000-04:002010-11-03T22:57:06.971-04:00What's A Teen To Do?It has been a busy school year. School has been open for a little over two months and much has happened. Some of it has been exciting and exhilerating and some has been disappointing and frustrating. Given all of the experiences I have had with teens in the past few months, I continue to be amazed by their sense of responsibility, their sense of right and wrong and their desire to "do right" and make positive life choices. <br />
Sure, there have been some that have gotten distracted and made some unfortunate, negative choices, but the overwhelming majority are fantastic people to know. They crave direction, structure and a listening ear.<br />
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I don't think teenagers receive enough credit for what they have to endure. Parents who give mixed messages. Teachers who don't always deliver good, interesting, engaging and motivating teaching. School boards who make decisions based upon personalities, personal interests or money and not the best interests of students. Friends who sometimes bully and pressure to make poor, negative choices. Society who overloads them with images of promiscuity, body image, greed and violence. What's a teen to do with all of this? What direction should they take? Who should they believe? What should be important?<br />
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I tell the teens I encounter to talk about their feelings. Talk about what is on their mind. Talk about what is important to them. Talk about the things that are exciting and confusing. I encourage them to be creative, to ask questions, to explore the world outside of their world, to reject fear and embrace opportunity. I encourage them to not miss this chance of achieving a solid education, a prerequisite for future sustainability. What's a teen to do? Such a good question that I get asked many times over. It's hard walking the line of part adult, part child. Part of the solution lies with the adults within their lives to give good example and unconditional regard for their well-being, physcially and emotionally. It's hard being a teen. More adults need to understand that. Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-58828738132279713122010-09-28T21:53:00.000-04:002010-09-28T21:53:06.689-04:00The ListThe school year is in full swing. Most young people have been in classes for more than a month and already a long list of things have happened. Natural disasters such as floods and hurricanes, political unrest domestically and abroad, a primary election, recognition of another 9/11 anniversary, students lost to freak accidents, tragic car accidents and health related causes, daily observations of teens texting while driving and driving without a seat belt connected, teens showing school spirit and pride through competitive sports, seniors engaging in the college application process. This list could go on and on.<br />
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My question for teens is this: What does your list consist of? sports? academics? friends? girlfriends? boyfriends? family time? college? negative behaviors? jobs? independence? substance abuse? Whatever it may be, every teen has a list and that list is important. What is the list? The list is what teens have either in their minds or somewhere on paper or in a journal that outlines what is most important to them at this point in their lives. The list tells the older folk alot. The list tells us what our young people are thinking about and what they think about the world in which they live. The list can indicate if a person is headed in the right direction or falling prey to some negative influences. The list. It can seem so simple, yet can be complicated. One thing for sure is this: education should be #1 on the list. <strong> As I've stated before, without an education, life will have very few options</strong>. <br />
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To teenagers, I say this: Whatever your list consists of, make <strong>education</strong> #1 on your list. Encourage your friends to make <strong>education </strong>#1 on their lists. Go to school, everyday and learn all you can, challenge your teachers to teach you until you understand, encourage your parents to come to the school, sit in your class, volunteer and hold the administration accountable for providing excellent teachers who can deliver excellent instruction. Make graduation a stepping stone and not the end stone. Set your sights on college. If you like all those things on your list, most of them will not be achievable without a good education and a good education starts in the school in which you attend. High school is the last in a 12 year process of life preparation. There are only 4 years in high school. Have many years have you let get by because education was not #1 on your list?Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-91231318206506858862010-08-28T01:52:00.000-04:002010-08-28T01:52:52.882-04:00I Feel LuckyI feel lucky. Lucky to be able to awake every day knowing that I get to do the things that make me happiest: thank my Savior, speak with parents and family members, breathe fresh air, eat nutritious food, wear adequate clothing and share my good fortunes of mind and goodwill with some very deserving young people.<br />
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I feel lucky. For the past several months, I have been designing and implementing extended learning programs for young people. These programs provide intensive academic enrichment to students who are struggling in core subject areas of reading and math and who reside within communities in which they don't always receive an opportunity to share in experiences outside of their communities. These programs make tremendous difference in the lives of the impacted young people and tremendous difference in my life. <br />
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I feel lucky. Lucky to have met the phenomenal children in the programs. Children who are full of intellect, creativity, imagination and curiosity. Children who have a desire to learn, a desire to ask questions, a desire to achieve. Children who may not always have the designer shoe or shirt, but always have the smile, the determination and an innate desire to do well. Children who have the compassion to help each other during difficult and/or unhappy times. I saw many hugs, expressions of "its gonna be ok", "don't cry" and "let me help you". These children taught me much more than I believe I taught them. I miss them in my life and those daily life lessons of honesty, perseverance, kindness, trust and faith.<br />
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My question to young people is this: Do you feel lucky? Do you feel lucky to be able to awake daily and have a mind that will allow you to be as creative as you can imagine? Do you feel lucky to be able to form your own opinions free of negative influences? Do you feel lucky to be able to go to school and obtain an education, which is permanent? Do you feel lucky to be able to have the experience of learning from a mistake, whether your own or someone else's? Do you feel lucky to be able to give to someone who may be less fortunate than you? Do you feel lucky to know the perils and dangers of risky behaviors such as substance abuse, reckless driving, violence, sexual promiscuity, or truancy? Do you feel lucky to have adults in your life, family or otherwise, who care about you and your well-being?<br />
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My message to young people is this: Take those feelings of luck and transform them into goodwill experiences for others, such as tutoring or mentoring young people, helping a young person in your community make good, positive choices, modeling positive behaviors when not in the presence of an adult, becoming an active participant in the educational culture of your school, or communicating with political leaders about issues of importance to you and your peers. The list is endless and it starts with you.<br />
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Good luck!Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-66766797453402902762010-04-05T20:54:00.000-04:002010-04-05T20:54:56.276-04:00What Is Your Passion?Where have you been? A question that has been asked of me several times in the last couple of weeks. People have emailed and called asking why I haven't posted in over a month. I tell them it was because I really wanted Isaiah's story to remain in the forefront and because I was completely consumed with working on a worthy project for some very special kids. I would like to take this opportunity to share what I have been doing. Something that is dear to me and something that I think is really important for others to understand.<br />
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If you don't know, in addition to working with teens, I am the founder and executive director of Achievement Services, Inc. (<a href="http://www.achievementservices.org/">http://www.achievementservices.org/</a>) It's a nonprofit organization that partners with low-performing schools to design and implement out-of-school academic learning opportunities for at-risk students in Baltimore City. It's really cool because I get to act like an "architect" of education....meaning I have the autonomy to study a school, its students, parents and staff and together with a team of advisors, we design a program to meet the needs of that particular school. Our goal is to get kids to like learning and to learn, particularly in reading and math. This past month, I was charged with the task of soley applying for federal funding to implement a program at a Baltimore City School. Achievement Services and helping kids learn and achieve is my passion.<br />
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What is your passion? What is it that makes you smile, feel good and want to share with everyone? What is it that gets you up in the morning, regardless of pay? What is it that you feel is your personal calling? For me, that passion would be to find a way to help children achieve beyond the expectations of themselves and others. For me that passion is putting kids in a safe place with safe people and giving them the tools to learn and want to learn in fun, exciting and engaging ways. It there were any downside, it would be the fact that I have to CONSTANTLY worry about having enough money to operate such needed programs for children that will produce countless benefits to kids, families, schools, communities and societies. There is no better money spent than money spent on education for kids. I'll never understand why our society will pay athletes, singers and actors enormous and unimaginable amounts of money and dare say there is not enough money for education, afterschool programs and other learning opportunities that will help to advance others, particularly kids. I wish someone could help me to understand the logic.<br />
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So, I am back. Back working with teenagers and back learning from them, as I do each and every day. If you have a passion that is about helping kids, let me encourage you to pursue that passion. The kids need our help, today and always.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-81372105190025756052010-02-28T20:37:00.000-05:002010-02-28T20:37:30.356-05:00Making HistoryIn the United States there are certain months of the year that are dedicated to the history of a certain group of people such as African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Native Americans and Asian-Pacific Americans. Today is the last day of black history month. Today I would like to present to teens and young people the story of Isaiah Mauzone. His story is a story of success, triumph, perseverence and determination. His story is a story like many teens who grow up in unfortunate circumstances, struggle with the challenges of life and growing up and often feel unsure and perplexed about their own life stories. I have the privilege of working with and knowing some amazing teenagers who sometimes need to hear the story of a teenager who once walked the familiar path of hardship and uncertainty. A teenager who once felt that not having an active father left a big void. A teenager who once felt that no one would understand or could help him with his problems. A teenager who once thought that college may not be for him. Below is a biography and interview with Isaiah Mauzone, a young man who exemplifies that if one is willing to work hard and NEVER give up, life will reward you.<br />
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Isaiah Mauzone is a 19-year old, African American male who was born to a single mother and raised in the Sandtown/Winchester neigborhood of Baltimore City. His neighborhood is one that is plagued with underemployed families, poverty, drug use, high crime and gang activity. His neigborhood is also one that boasts a strong religious presence and a longstanding history of families who work hard and believe in education. There was never enough money, never a break from worrying how the bills would get paid and how the family would survive. As a middle school student, Isaiah was attacked and beaten badly by a group of middle school kids who had nothing better to do. Despite his injuries, he refused to miss school. Even though he spent most of his child/school years worrying about adult problems, he still managed to garner an interest in exercising, football, lacrosse, working, drawing and helping others. Throughout most of his high school career he held a job, sometimes two, to contribute toward household expenses. He rarely sees or speaks to his father who did not attend his high school graduation, his proudest moment. In 2009, after much adversity, he graduated from high school and is now a student at the University of Maryland struggling with the decision of which passion to pursue: architecture or physical therapy.<br />
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1. How would you describe your high school experience?<br />
Challenging because of standardized testing, class grades and the choice to secure employment to help out at home. It was hard getting everything done. I worried alot about money and making something of myself. I wanted to be self sufficient. I wanted to help out my mom who has given so much.<br />
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2. What was the hardest part about high school?<br />
Trying to keep up with the smart students. I wanted to be good at everything I did. <br />
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3. What do you think teens go through in high school?<br />
Sex, peer pressure, gangs, street activities and family issues. It's hard for teens because most can't talk to their parents. They need organized stuff to do to stay away from trouble. I think it's also hard for teens when they think about growing up. Most realize that they probably aren't properly prepared for the real world and that they will have to figure it out on their own. That's scary for a young person because you hear about so much bad stuff happening.<br />
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4. What would you say to teens who feel discouraged and want to drop out of high school?<br />
Dropping out is not an option. You have to want to become more successful, have more options and not limit yourself no matter what is happening in your life.<br />
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5. How do you think growing up in a single-parent household affected you?<br />
It made me want to work harder. I've learned a lot. I don't want my kids to go through what I experienced from my mother and father. That was my motivation.<br />
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6. How do you like college life?<br />
I love college life. I love furthering my education, meeting new people, the good environment, being responsible and learning to live independently. There are people there who are willing to help.<br />
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7. Any advice for teens who are feeling lost and overwhelmed by the stressors of teen life?<br />
They need to analyze themselves, pay attention to what they do, what they say and who they invite into their social circles. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't get caught up in things that will cause trouble.<br />
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8. A lot is made of role models for teens. Who are your role models?<br />
Jesus Christ, my mother, my brother and the staff of my high school.<br />
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9. What do you think parents should understand about their teens?<br />
They should really get to know them, talk to them, spend time with them and allow them to make mistakes. Establishing and maintaining a bond with their child is very important to the child. Parents should also understand that their teen children are watching more of what they do and paying less attention to what they say.<br />
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10. If you could change anything about the life of a teenager, what would it be?<br />
Access to good, dedicated mentors, community recreational and educational programs and physical activities.<br />
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Isaiah's story is important because he could have gone the other way. The other way of giving up on himself, not reaching out to adults who cared about him and not believing that he possesses the gift of a mind able to take in all the information and knowledge he can grasp. Isaiah did one simple thing: he believed in himself. To all teens: believe in yourself and you too can make history.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-75684836564536181482010-02-10T23:34:00.000-05:002010-02-10T23:34:35.125-05:00What Do You Think?<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hello and welcome back. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I hope you enjoy the read and commit to return. Bookmark, email and text to friends and other teens, conduct discussion groups. For those of you that don't know, this is my space where I share my thoughts, advice and views about teens and young people, based upon my professional and personal experiences. Typically, I select a topic impacting the lives of teens and young people. This time I would like to try something different. Since I began this blog, which I thoroughly enjoy, I have not provided an open opportunity for readers to respond and/or ask questions. This entry is dedicated to you, my readers. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am very curious about what my readers think, particularly my teen and young readers. I feel fortunate to have acquired readers from many parts of the United States as well as the world. A few have responded directly to me, but most have not. Now is your chance. What do you think about this blog? What do you think are some of the biggest challenges facing teenagers today? What are some questions you have about the behavior of teens? What topics would you like to see addressed in this space? If you are a teen, please share your thoughts here. I ask that you keep your comments constructive and appropriate. If you are an adult, either with or without a teen, please share your thoughts here. I ask that you keep your comments constructive and appropriate. Just click on <strong>comment</strong> and go for it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thanks for your time, comments and questions. I truly hope you find this blog helpful and informative. I know there are many places you could choose to spend your precious time and I feel privileged to have your attention. It is my goal to provide a forum for teens and adults to dialogue, share and learn more about one another. I also hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. To all the teens out there, I hope you are enjoying your teenage experience and preparing for your transition to adulthood. Be well.</span>Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-54823257542403584812010-01-31T23:35:00.000-05:002010-01-31T23:35:49.905-05:00Teens In TroubleAre teens in trouble? What do you think? I think the question is worth asking and pondering. Clearly, many are not in trouble, but given recent news reports, there are a significant number who are in trouble. The CDC, also known as the Centers for Disease Control, reported that 1 in 5 teens have cholesterol problems. 1 in 5!! Does that sound incredible or unbelievable? Another report out this week indicated that the teenage pregnancy rate has risen for the first time in ten years. In other words, more teens are giving birth to children of their own than have been in the past 10 years. Teenage pregnancy has always been an issue. Apparently, it's becoming an even bigger issue among the young. Violence among teens has increased. We only have to listen to the news to see too many stories of teens being seriously injured or killed as a result of violence. The number of teens dropping out of high school is shockingly high. What are they doing? Where are they living? What are the employment outlooks? There are high numbers of teens who are overweight, spending too much time in front of the television or on the computer and not enough time engaging in any sort of exercise activity. <br />
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Having the opportunity to work with young people on a daily basis is an opportunity to transform a life. As I walk in the midst of teens I notice many things about them. Loud voices. Interesting clothes. Junk food. Books. Cell phones. Ipods. Hugs. Kisses. Playful behaviors. Laptops. Conversations about school. Conversations about friends. Conversations about boys. Conversations about girls. Conversations about parents. I wonder if they are aware of the troubles that plague them, so I ask. The responses I receive are varied. Some are keenly aware that their generation has many challenges. Some are more oblivious. Some discuss "teen stuff" with their parents and are comfortable doing so and some don't and aren't comfortable doing so. Some feel that the adults in the world don't pay enough attention to what is going on in their lives. Some feel that they are old enough to make their own choices. Some feel that the "world" allows them to get away with things that should be reserved for adults and that teens have too much freedom. Some feel that enormous pressures are placed upon them without adequate support.<br />
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Here's what's important for teens to know: Be conscious and aware of your health. Stop drinking so many sodas and fruity juices. They are loaded with sugar. Drink more water and non-carbonated drinks. Stop eating so much fried foods, potato chips, cookies, candy and all the other snacks you can't seem to eliminate from your diet. Pay attention in health class. You just may learn some useful information. Take school and your education seriously. Dropping out of school will not solve any problems. It will create more. Without a high school diploma, life will be very challenging and most likely, unfulfilling. Stay away from places and people who engage in violent activities. They may put your life and the lives of others in jeapardy. Consider the serious consequences of engaging in sexual behaviors. Putting yourself in a position to become a parent is a serious decision. Child-rearing is a lifetime commitment, meant for adults. Trust me when I tell you that it is hard for a child to raise a child. What is the lesson here? Stay in school. Listen to your parents, your teachers and mentors. Ask for help when needed. Think about the consequences of your decisions before you make them. Help each other and instead of looking for a role model, be a role model. Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-29312960512672168872010-01-20T23:20:00.000-05:002010-01-20T23:20:04.657-05:00Teens In HaitiHaiti. Until last week it was probably not a place in the forefront of the minds of people who reside elsewhere. Probably not a place where many have studied or visited. Probably not a place where it was thought unimaginable tragedy might occur. Tragedy did occur and the people of the world, teens included, are left to ask: Where do we begin to understand? Where can we get some reasonable rationalization? Who can help us to make sense of such enormous tragedy, death and destruction? What is going to happen to the people of Haiti... the children, the teenagers, the adults, the elderly? <br />
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It's a safe guess that most of the teenagers in Haiti are probably similar to teenagers in other parts of the world. They probably like to socialize. They probably like sports. They probably sometimes like school and sometimes don't like school. They probably want to be independent of their parents, yet still depend on them for guidance, direction and money. They probably endure feelings of stress and confusion regarding boyfriends or girlfriends. They probably engage in HS rivalries, enjoy prom and party after graduation. They probably worry about grades and college. They probably are faced with peer pressures such as teenage pregnancy, violence or substance abuse. They probably like to wear the clothes of popular designers and the shoes of famous athletes. They probably sometimes make choices and decisions without regard to consequences. They probably possess raw emotion, frankness and a good sense of right and wrong, as modeled by the adults in their lives. <br />
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It's normal for teens to feel unsure about the future. Unsure about decisions regarding educational goals or independent living. As of January 12, 2010, the lives of Haitan teens will never be the same. Gone are the normal stressors and worries that other teens may share. Present is fear, anxiety, devastation. What will they do? Who will help them? What does the future hold for them? When will they be able to experience the life of a "normal" teenager again? When will they hear the sound of the school bell or the voice of a teacher scolding her class for incomplete assignments or the excitement regarding the Friday nite dance or Saturday afternoon ballgame? What will they tell teens who will come after them about life in the aftermath of an earthquake?<br />
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What can other teens do? First, understand that life presents many challenges, some fair and some not fair. Understand that your life as a teen is "cake" compared to the life of a teen in another part of the world. Understand that the teens of Haiti are in need of goodwill. Goodwill in the form of knowing that they share the bond of "adolescence" with all the teens of the world. Teens like to help other teens. They do it everyday in their own environments. If you want to help the teens of Haiti, mobilize your friends, peers and classmates to organize donations to send to them in Haiti. They need clothing, shoes, school supplies, books and most importantly, letters and words of support, encouragement and hope for a bright future. Consider giving up a pair of shoes, some sports equipment, some hats to protect from the heat. Make a list of the things you like as a teen. Whatever you can give will be appreciated. Teens in Haiti. They are just like teens everywhere. They need to be given the opportunity, once again, to experience the life of a teenager. Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-52053631648657589732010-01-14T00:59:00.000-05:002010-01-14T00:59:55.971-05:00Role Models??Gilbert Arenas. Chris Brown. Tiger Woods. Brittany Spears. Rihanna. Just a few of many. All very famous and presumably wealthy individuals. All living their lives in the public spotlight. All having to endure their share of "life challenges". All given, solicited and unsolicited, the responsiblilty of ROLE MODEL. Is it fair? Is it justified? Is it needed? Is it wanted? Given recent national news stories regarding each of the above-named individuals, these seem to be fair questions. Do their lives and behaviors and that of other equally public individuals influence the lives and behaviors of teens and young people? The answer to that question is probably "sometimes". As I walk in the midst of teens and young people, I try to seize the opportunity to learn more about how they think, what they think about and why they think what they think. On this particular day, I decide to ask the question, "who are your role models"?<br />
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The answers received may be surprising to some. My mom. My grandmother. My teacher. My football coach. My music teacher. My brother. My sister. My next door neighbor. My principal. My friend. It seems as if not all teens consider celebrities and the like their role models. Although they may follow their lives and the twists and turns, they don't necessarily view these individuals as someone, as one teen put it, "to want to be like". When asked why they didn't consider celebrities as role models, one teen replied, "cause they probably have problems just like us". Another replied, " their lives don't seem real". "The money is nice, but they act stupid sometimes", was another response. "Why do they do things when they know people are watching" needed no return reply. One surprising response, "maybe it's the adults who need role models and not us kids", left much to ponder.<br />
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As one who is rarely surprised by the insight of teens and young people, I believe they need to know and understand the following. Role models, according to dictionary.com, are defined as persons whose behavior, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, especially by younger people. Role models are good. They are positive. They are inspiring. Their influence is endless. They help teens figure out right from wrong, make good choices, develop self confidence, dream big and aspire large. Role models care about the messages they send and the impact upon the receivers. Role models are real and honest. Real in their existence and honest in their position. My challenge to teens is to figure out who is your role model? Find someone you like and admire because of the good they demonstrate. Find someone you trust that is selfless, giving and understanding. Find someone you can talk to and know they will listen. That person is your role model. That person probably exists within your environment. All you have to do is find them.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-48287601194203117392010-01-03T22:11:00.000-05:002010-01-03T22:11:31.558-05:00Happy New YearThere is no better time than now. No better time to think about past actions or reactions, accomplishments, mistakes, regrets. No better time to think about school, grades, sports, friends, family, parents, boyfriends and girlfriends. No better time to think about what will be done differently this year. How will you be a different, better person? Last year is now gone. It's time to seriously consider a new start, a new beginning. It could be the start or beginning of something big or something small. Something that may impact only you or something that may impact many others. Something that you probably have been giving thought to for a considerable amount of time. In short, it's time to stop doing the same things the same ways and expecting bigger, greater results. Be different. Do different.<br />
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New Year's resolutions. I think all people at least THINK about them and young people and teens are no different. They huddle together with friends, talking on the phone, hanging out, texting each other about what they "pledge" to do in the new year, what they hope to obtain, like a new wardrobe or what they hope to change, like a new boyfriend or girlfriend. I often wonder if they think about changing a circumstance or the plight of someone's life. The answers I receive are always inspiring. Helping a friend find a place to live, raise money for the light bill, food bill or mortgage/rent. Helping a friend get over a break-up, the loss of a friendship or some other tragic event or circumstance, such as divorce. Spending time with a friend who is having a hard time with life's challenges and the sometimes stressful times of a teen.<br />
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I ask teens this question: What will you do differently this year? Don't answer right away. Think about it. Think about what feels right to you. Think about something that will help you to be a better individual. Will it be to study more? Will it be to take school more seriously? Will it be to read more and learn more? Will it be to be a better friend? Will it be to listen more to your parents and share more with your parents? Will it be to spend more time with family? Will it be to abandon envy, jealousy, disrespect, sadness, intolerance, anger, rage, violence and embrace peace, forgiveness, happiness, understanding, honesty, respect and loyalty? Whatever you decide, may it be something that will build upon your foundation. Your foundation of life, that piece of you that builds character and leaves a legacy for others to follow. Whatever you decide, may it bring joy to you and others, remembering that it's better to give than to receive. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-44554232472544549672009-12-20T00:28:00.000-05:002009-12-20T00:28:48.286-05:00The Season of GivingWhat's on the mind of a teen or young person? What do they think about most days? Is it school and making good grades? Is it doing all the things your parents want? Is it hanging out with friends and making new friends? Is it securing that wanted job or internship? Is it being the best at your sport of choice? Is it how to handle stress and worry? Is it how you could give back to someone or someplace less fortunate than you? It could be a number of things. One thing I have learned is that there is always something on the minds of teens and young people. They are constant thinkers and constant observers.<br />
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Giving is something I don't believe teens receive enough credit. I think "giving" is on their minds more than the adults in their lives realize. I think the spirit of their giving gets lost in their dress, attitude, behavior and demeanor. Sometimes the adults forget that the dress, attitude, behavior and demeanor generally reflects normal adolescent behavior and has no bearing on the giving nature of teenagers and young people. There seems to be lots of talk about how teens are takers and not givers. Talk about how they always seem to want something of personal benefit and resist listening to reason or compromise. Talk about how they always seem to engage in selfish behavior. <br />
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I don't believe there is enough talk about how giving teens and young people are in their actions and behaviors. Spending time with a sick friend, either at home or in the hopital. Spending time with a friend who may be experiencing challenges at home with a parent or other family members. Spending time volunteering for an important cause, like a homeless shelter, soup kitchen or nursing home. Spending time organizing clubs and activities which are of benefit to fellow students. Spending time decorating the school building with holiday cheer. Spending time exchanging cards and gifts to spread goodwill. These are a few examples of deeds of teens who give for the positive benefit of another. We, the adults in their lives, could probably do a better job of recognizing this spirit within our children. We could probably do a better job of focusing more on the good that is being spread. <br />
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This month of December is a time when society is reminded to give back in the spirit of the season. No matter your personal beliefs, religious beliefs or otherwise, it is always a great time to "spread the good". A good time to do for someone else. A good time to experience the joy of "giving back". A good time to share with others. So, in this season of giving, may our teens continue to recognize the good in themselves and others and spread the spirit of this season of giving.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-85234685280823361882009-12-13T23:55:00.001-05:002009-12-14T10:20:34.228-05:00The Break-upThe break-up. I believe it was a movie starring actors Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn and it's all about what they experience with each other as they end their relationship. I found it to be an entertaining flick, but that movie is not what I am referring to in this piece. The break-up here refers to when teens who were once "in love" decide that they are no longer "in love" and thus break-up or stop going out or stop hooking up. For the female teen she wonders if she was pretty enough, if she was skinny enough, if she was popular enough, if her hair was long enough. For the male teen he wonders if he was handsome enough, if he had the right muscles in the right places, if he had the right moves on the dance floor, if he had the right clothes or if he had enough money to "flash around". <br />
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The break-up can be devastating for many teens and young people. They feel as if the world, as they perceive it, is coming to an end. Life, as they perceive it, will not get better. What to do? How to react? What to say? How to respond to that person that is no longer the boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you speak when you see him or her in the hallway or at the party? Will he or she tell some secret that you shared when you were "in love"? That feeling that you will never meet someone else who you will like or love, that you don't want to talk to anyone else on the phone or that you don't want to hang out with friends, go to parties or even concentrate in school. The first feeling of being in love, the first hug or the first kiss are all memorable moments for a teen, moments that will be recalled for years to come. Falling in love as a teenager can bring overwhelming feelings that sometimes no one else matters, not family, not friends and at times, not even the individual. You want to spend all your time talking to or being with that special person, that boyfriend or that girlfriend. You are positive you will never feel this way about anyone again.<br />
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Part of being a teenager is learning to manage relationships and that includes boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Spending time with someone and getting to know them and sharing experiences are all part of growing up. Teens like to spend time with others their age. They like to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone they can talk about to friends, family and foes. It's almost a rite of passage. Many feel that without a girlfriend or boyfriend, something is missing in the teen experience. When that part of the teen experience ends, for whatever reason, it tends to leave a void, that feeling of "something missing". Depending on how dependent the teen became on that particular relationship, usually determines the response to the break-up, which can be anger, sadness, depression or maybe mutual understanding and agreement.<br />
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Teens and young people need to understand several things. We all endure break-ups, some good and some not-so-good. Girlfriend and boyfriend relationships come and go. Break-ups are part of the process of developing you, and there is no handbook to tell you what to do. For most of you, you have to figure out what to do on your own. Not even your parents have given any guidance on how to understand, accept and endure. You will meet many people in life and some may become your boyfriend or girlfriend and the relationship will probably end, sometimes of your prompting and sometimes not. Sometimes you may understand the break-up and sometimes you may not. It's okay to feel sad and maybe even upset over the loss of a certain type of relationship. Understand that the experience will help in your life development. It will help you to realize the type of person you are, what you like and what you may not like. It will help you to make decisions about what is important to you and what is important for your life. Long-term boyfriend/girlfriend relationships during the teen years can bring unnecessary stress and anxiety. Trying to live up to the "image" of what you think the relationship should be like, based upon what you hear and see about others sets a high standard, one that is almost impossible to reach. Break-ups are not the end of the world, even if it feels as such. If you find that you are having a really hard time adjusting to a break-up, talk to an adult, teacher or social worker. Understand there will plenty of time in your life for relationships and break-ups. Enjoy your teen years. Get out of the house, hang with friends, spend time with family you may have neglected, investigate a new sport or hobby. Most importantly, spend some time reflecting on what you liked about the relationship, what you didn't like about the relationship, make any adjustments necessary, learn from the experience and embrace the break-up as a part of the education called life. Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-49392386910916137982009-12-05T21:09:00.000-05:002009-12-05T21:09:39.446-05:00Why Fight?Why fight? With this question, I mean "physically" fight. A question I and many adults have asked teens countless times, especially if one spends a good amount of time around young people and teens. Why fight? It seems like a simple question, yet it rarely yields a simple answer, usually when asked to a young person. Why risk being injured, bruised, ridiculed by peers, suspended, arrested or even killed? (SEE GONE TOO SOON, PARTS I & II) These are examples of serious consequences to fighting and yet teens don't seem to stop and think about the seriousness of their actions when they opt to fight. What is the fighting about? Is it for some sort of credibility or reputation, a way to get attention from peers, a sign of your toughness or because you see many adults engaging in fighting and without any significant consequences?<br />
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Yet again, I find another example of young people and teens receiving mixed messages from the adults around them. In fairness, they see adults fighing at home, in their communities and on TV. They see adults cheering when a fight occurs and sometimes cheer harder when someone is hurt. What's the message they get? That it's okay to solve your anger, frustrations, problems or any emotion or feeling that doesn't make you feel good with fighting? That somehow the fighting will make everything better or more perfect?<br />
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I see young people and teens fighting at school, in malls, on the street, at athletic events, on the street, on public transportation. I try to talk as much as possible to teens to share my experiences and give them a bit of insight about how important it is to make good choices and decisions and also to hear about their experiences and gain ALOT of knowledge and insight from them. When it comes to the issue of fighting, I ask if they truly believe that fighting is worth the potential outcome? Is it worth possbily altering the course of your life, either temporarily or permanently? Is it worth risking losing your freedom because you have been incarcerated, college scholoarship, job or school placement. Even more importantly, is it worth it to disappoint your parents or to cost them pain, anquish and finances if you happen to get arrested. I also seize every opportunity to remind them that school and getting the best education possible is the most important responsibility and if you engage in fighting, you risk losing all of that, that which is so valuable that no price tag would be appropriate. <br />
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I try to offer some possible alternatives that I will share here. Some are receptive and want to hear them and some are not. Some believe that fighting doesn't solve problems and some do not. Some understand that fighting can lead to serious consequences and some do not. Some understand that just because an adult is doing it (fighting) doesn't make it right and some do not. I tell them this: Before you start fighting, try to negotiate something different, something fair, something everyone can agree upon. Offer some reasonable compromises, that benefit both persons. Try to imagine several possible alternative solutions to fighting. Think about the probable consequences, from suspension to serious bodily injury. Try to understand why you are mad enough to want to fight and decide if its worth it. Remember that it is okay to agree to disagree on an issue. Try and get help from an adult who can help you to figure out a response other than fighting. A few things that I share with young people and teens. Some listen and some don't. Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-38948643405781105522009-11-28T09:27:00.000-05:002009-11-28T09:27:18.158-05:00Honesty Is The Best PolicyAs a teen, do you ever stop and think about what it means to be honest, to tell the truth or to "not lie"? Does being honest also mean you can stretch the truth in some way to better meet your needs or make your story sound better? When you find yourself in the middle of a situation or story where being honest may mean you will get in trouble, lose a friend, miss out on an opportunity or not get what you may want, what do you do? Do you have a two-second conversation in your mind about honesty, defined as freedom from deceit or fraud, or do you eliminate any time to consider how honesty or dishonesty will play out in your actions and just do or say what will present you in the best light or get you what you want? Are you honest with your friends, your teachers, your parents? Are you honest even when you know it may lead to a negative outcome or consequence? What is most important to you....being truthful and building respect or being untruthful and building distrust and possibly animosity? It's important to take more than two seconds to consider this and consider how honesty plays a major factor in determining your reputation and how others may view you. <br />
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I wonder how much honesty is discussed at breakfast tables, in classrooms, at dinner tables or in sunday school? I wonder this because I witness everyday teens making decisions where choosing to be honest or dishonest usually dictates what happens next. In my opinion, too many choose a stretch of the truth or dishonesty, usually out of fear of a consequence or fear of losing something of value, maybe a friend, object or reputation. Choosing to be honest because it is the RIGHT thing to do may not always be the first consideration or an automatic thought. Why is this? Is it because of what they witness or is it because not enough value is placed on honesty?<br />
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To be fair to teens, they live in a society where they constantly see examples of adults who choose dishonesty. They see adults choose dishonesty on TV, at school, at church, on the sports field, at home, in magazines and most other places where they find themselves. They see adults choose dishonesty to gain something, to look better or to avoid trouble or some kind of negative consequence. When they observe the adults in their lives choosing dishonesty, what are they to do? How are they to understand the mixed messages that are being sent and still make the right choice? There are many stories from teens who recount times when they knew a parent, relative, teacher or other important adult KNOWINGLY chose dishonesty. What is the message we, the adults, are sending to teens and young people about honesty? If they see the adults in their lives choosing dishonesty without hesitation or apprehension, why should they choose something different? The adults set the examples in their lives, modeling the behavior we would like for them to repeat.<br />
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The message for teens and young people is this: Sometimes the adults in your life may not always make the best choices or decisions. Sometimes they are not honest. Sometimes they do not tell the truth. Sometimes they do lie. It is important to admit to teens and young people that sometimes adults behave in this manner. It's also important to admit that young people and teens are placed in binds when the adults in their lives behave dishonestly but require the young people and teens to behave honestly. It's important for everyone, adults and young people, to realize the importance of honesty and it's impact on the lives of others. Sometimes adults don't always remember this fact and maybe teens and young people are in an ideal position to remind them. People are watching what you are doing and saying. Remember that you are a role model to some person, whether young or older. People remember when you are honest AND when you are dishonest and form opinions about you based upon your honesty or dishonesty. Choosing to be honest teens and young people usually leads to adults who are responsible, accountable, dependable and respected. How do you want others to view you? As an honest person or as an dishonest person? Do you want others to be able to depend on you and believe what you say? If your answer is in the positive, if you want others to view you positively, depend on you and believe what you say, then there is one thing to remember: honesty is the best policy. Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-77536400011668977852009-11-21T21:57:00.000-05:002009-11-21T21:57:53.018-05:00A Longing for Approval?Aren't you proud of me? That's the question that was asked of me. A question that a young person asked me, not his parent, but an adult in his life. For a few seconds, I stared intently at him. Intently because in those few instants many thoughts raced through my mind. I wondered what he must think of himself, but more importantly, what he must think about what the adults in his life think of him. I snapped myself out of my self-imposed daze and enthusiastically answered, "of course I am proud of you. I'm very proud of you". Aren't you proud of me? What a question coming from an adolescent, a teenager, a young person. For some of you, it may seem like a simple, basic question. For others, it will probably elicit a reaction similar to mine.<br />
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That exchange stirrred up some questions in my mind. Do teens get enough "good stuff" from the adults in their lives? The good stuff of affirmation and confirmation that they are doing a good job in school and at home. Do teens get enough positive approval from the adults in their lives? Do they get enough recognization and acknowledgement? Do they get enough feel goods from their teachers, counselors, pastors, coaches, and all the other folk who have little or lots of influence in their lives? Being a teen is not always an easy job. It can be confusing, stressful and full of unexpected twists and turns. All teens need to feel appreciated and confident that their lives are of importance to the adults around them, mainly their parents. <br />
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What is the message for youngsters? I think it is this: You are valued. Valued by your parents, teachers, and most of the adults in your life. Many hours of sacrifice and preparation are spent to ensure that you have what you need to navigate your life experiences, be it at school, out with friends or in some other place of influence in your life. Most of you are doing well in school, are able to engage in sports, social and vocational activities without any injury or harm. Many of you follow the rules set by your parents or others who have a current say in what's going on in your life. Sometimes adults get caught up in the stressors of everyday life: work, finances, bills and concerns over whether the teens in their lives have every opportunity to succeed. So, if you have ever wondered if someone is proud of you, think about your parents, extended family members, teachers, administrators, coaches and all the other people who work hard to ensure your well-being. They are all very proud of you, satisfied that their labor and sacrifice has been worth it, happy that you are exceling in school, maintaining positive peer relationships, exhibiting responsible behavior and showing compassion and caring for others less fortunate. Yes, we are all proud.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3982915805933408747.post-80402183176088807382009-11-13T09:15:00.000-05:002009-11-13T09:15:21.441-05:00Snitching or The Sharing of Essential InformationSnitching. What is that? Ask any young person or teen and they will certainly have an answer. A dictionary definition is "to turn informer, to tattle". For young people, snitching is viewed as a big deal, one that could change how they are perceived by their peers and friends and change their school experiences. Many teens view "snitching" or being labeled "a snitch" as extremely negative or bad, something that helps you to lose friends, get teased and bullied and at worst, physically assaulted. They know stories of other peers being beat up, taunted in class and in the hallway or worse for "snitching". That is the impression of young people, an impression largely perpetuated by messages and images portrayed in videos, magazines and other mediums frequented by teens.<br />
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For young people and teens, snitching or not snitching can impact their behavior. The story of Derrion Albert immediately comes to mind (refer to previous posting, GONE TOO SOON). Assaulted by peers and schoolmates, it was difficult for the authorities to conclude their investigation because other students who had witnessed the fight refused to come forward with information, for fear of being labled "a snitch". Derrion ultimately died of his injuries. Derrion's story was a national story, but there are many stories of instances in which young people and teens refuse or are reluctant to report some information for fear of being labeled a snitch by their peers. Stories of incidents that occur in the classroom regarding teachers and other students. Stories of incidents of hurt or harm to other students within the school environment. Stories of the knowledge of existing weapons on school property. Stories of the knowledge of pending incidents of violence. The list could go on and on. The messages associated with snitching need adjustment, so that young people are better able to make better choices and decisions and hopefully can prevent the occurence of negative and harmful incidents.<br />
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The message for young people is this: Snitching does not have to be viewed negatively. How about thinking of it as an opportunity to promote the health and well-being of your peers and friends? If you aware of something that will impact the school environment or impact the well-being of a peer or friend, consider it your duty and obligation to report what you know to a social worker, counselor, teacher, school adminstrator or your parents. It is the right thing to do. Making threats against the school or students, a student threatening to harm themselves or others, a teacher who is inappropriate in or out of the classroom, a fight about to happen, a fight that has happened, or any incident which you believe does not ADD value to your school should be dicussed with one of the above individuals. Many young people are sharing information with the correct people. However, if you're not comfortable with sharing your name, then share the information anonymously by writing a note or letter. Students often leave letters and notes in the mailboxes and under the doors of teachers and administrators as a means of communicating what is right and what is wrong. <br />
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Young people understand what is right and what is wrong. Some sometimes struggle with what to do with information that should be shared with an adult. Information that they feel may threaten the health and well-being of peers and friends. They want to share the information but they also don't want to earn the label of being a snitch and losing their social status. How others percieve them is important and often not a bargaining chip. My answer is don't be a "snitch", that person that others "say" is not cool. Don't be a person who is influenced by others to change what you know and believe to be right. Encourage your friends to do the same. This is the first step in changing the perceptions of snitching. Be a person that believes in good over bad. Be a person who cares about the safety of your school and your friends. Be a person who doesn't agree with what those "celebrities" have to say about sharing information. Be a person who shares essential or important information for the health and well-being of yourself, your friends and your school. Your class, your friends and your school will benefit from young people who know, believe and act.Ms. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928877487504922227noreply@blogger.com1